While browsing at Landmark yesterday, I came across the DVD of a movie called “Samasara”. I remember this movie releasing a little less than 2 years ago. I also remember wanting to see it. I never eventually did, but I recall a tag line from the movie that really interested me. It read, “How can you give up everything in the world unless you possess something completely?”
Makes me think? What do I possess completely? I interpret possessing something completely as something that can’t be taken away from me unless I give it up. Nothing comes to mind. Everything that I have can be taken away from me. Any material possession that I love can be stolen. Any people that I love can be taken away. So do I possess anything that is forever mine?
I think about the things and people that I love that are no longer with me. How do I feel that they are no longer part of my life? Do I feel sad? Sometimes. Do I feel a sense of loss? Not really? Why? I think maybe because the love is still there. “The vase may have broken but the scent of the roses lingers still”. I guess the love of something is a thing that can’t be taken away from me. So maybe I do possess something completely. But is love something I can give up? I don’t think I could even if I wanted to. Maybe as I get older with time, I’ll figure it out….or maybe I should watch the movie.
Monday, April 28, 2008
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Zen and the Art of Debugging
Total Record = 24, Records Passed = 23, Records Failed = 1. Damn...a bug in code!
The first time I saw a report like this I looked around me helplessly trying to reach out for someone to help me. My heart started racing and my head went blank. What would happen now? There was a bug in code! The whole world would come to an end!
5 years, millions of lines of code and thousands of bugs later when I see the same report, I smile to myself, take a deep breath and say “here we go”. Finding the damn bug becomes my sole purpose in life. The world blurs out. Everything else ceases to exist. It’s just me vs the software. I eventually trace down the misbehaving lines of code and after giving them a good reprimanding fix, the whole world is at balance again.
Now, only if I could apply the same philosophy to my life. When something about me bothers me or affects my mental, physical or spiritual balance, why can’t I focus on finding it, fixing it if I can or removing it if I can’t? Life would be a lot simpler wouldn't it? I'm sure debugging myself would be a lot more difficult than debugging software, but most of the time my pholosophy is just brood about it rather than focus on resolving it. I wonder how long it will take me to acquire the skill of debugging myself. I hope I can someday. It will help me find peace.
The first time I saw a report like this I looked around me helplessly trying to reach out for someone to help me. My heart started racing and my head went blank. What would happen now? There was a bug in code! The whole world would come to an end!
5 years, millions of lines of code and thousands of bugs later when I see the same report, I smile to myself, take a deep breath and say “here we go”. Finding the damn bug becomes my sole purpose in life. The world blurs out. Everything else ceases to exist. It’s just me vs the software. I eventually trace down the misbehaving lines of code and after giving them a good reprimanding fix, the whole world is at balance again.
Now, only if I could apply the same philosophy to my life. When something about me bothers me or affects my mental, physical or spiritual balance, why can’t I focus on finding it, fixing it if I can or removing it if I can’t? Life would be a lot simpler wouldn't it? I'm sure debugging myself would be a lot more difficult than debugging software, but most of the time my pholosophy is just brood about it rather than focus on resolving it. I wonder how long it will take me to acquire the skill of debugging myself. I hope I can someday. It will help me find peace.
Monday, April 21, 2008
What is the purpose of life?
About 4 years ago, while I was working long hours at office, out of sheer frustration I went up to my friend Praveen and asked, “What is the purpose of life?” He ignored me.
A week later we had our appraisal discussions with our supervisors. When Praveen came out of his discussion, I asked him how it went. He replied in identical frustration, “What is the purpose of life?”
So what really is the purpose of life? Or rather, I should ask, what is the purpose of my life? Hinduism and Buddhism both say life is all about cosmic balances. So was I given life just to maintain balance in this world? If so then am I supposed to represent good or bad in this world? Am I supposed to bring peace or chaos to people’s lives? Am I supposed to help or hurt? I have no clue. I know I’ve already done each of these things. But is that my only purpose? Either way, I wonder if I should even bother to figure it out? If my life is meant to have a greater purpose will it not reveal itself? I assume it will.
I know some people go on their whole lives in ignorant bliss without asking the question. And yet others die in total frustration trying to find the answer. I don’t know which group I will belong to. Maybe as life (and this blog) goes on, I will figure it out. For now, I just know I’ve affected people in good and unfortunately even in very bad ways. Right now the bad is winning. I just hope eventually the good will win. The good is always supposed to triumph over bad isn’t it?
A week later we had our appraisal discussions with our supervisors. When Praveen came out of his discussion, I asked him how it went. He replied in identical frustration, “What is the purpose of life?”
So what really is the purpose of life? Or rather, I should ask, what is the purpose of my life? Hinduism and Buddhism both say life is all about cosmic balances. So was I given life just to maintain balance in this world? If so then am I supposed to represent good or bad in this world? Am I supposed to bring peace or chaos to people’s lives? Am I supposed to help or hurt? I have no clue. I know I’ve already done each of these things. But is that my only purpose? Either way, I wonder if I should even bother to figure it out? If my life is meant to have a greater purpose will it not reveal itself? I assume it will.
I know some people go on their whole lives in ignorant bliss without asking the question. And yet others die in total frustration trying to find the answer. I don’t know which group I will belong to. Maybe as life (and this blog) goes on, I will figure it out. For now, I just know I’ve affected people in good and unfortunately even in very bad ways. Right now the bad is winning. I just hope eventually the good will win. The good is always supposed to triumph over bad isn’t it?
Friday, April 18, 2008
Unforgivable
What do you do when you make a mistake you can’t fix? When you break someone’s heart you can’t mend? When you lose someone’s trust you can’t earn back? When life looks at you like you’re the worst living being alive and you can’t do anything else but look back? Life sucks doesn’t it. Welcome to my world.
I’m too much of a coward to go into the details of what I did, but to the core I made a promise to someone, gained their trust and then broke the promise. Unforgivable isn’t it? I never thought I’d be the kind of guy who would do that. I grew up believing that men who did that were not real men at all. I broke every moral that I lived by. I lost any semblance of character that I had. I lost respect for myself . And yet what can I do to change it? Nothing.
I know I will get my due someday and I’m ready to accept it. But it still doesn’t make things any better. I hope life will give me the opportunity to redeem myself. If not then I will die a very troubled soul and that shall be the curse of my existence.
I’m too much of a coward to go into the details of what I did, but to the core I made a promise to someone, gained their trust and then broke the promise. Unforgivable isn’t it? I never thought I’d be the kind of guy who would do that. I grew up believing that men who did that were not real men at all. I broke every moral that I lived by. I lost any semblance of character that I had. I lost respect for myself . And yet what can I do to change it? Nothing.
I know I will get my due someday and I’m ready to accept it. But it still doesn’t make things any better. I hope life will give me the opportunity to redeem myself. If not then I will die a very troubled soul and that shall be the curse of my existence.
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